Appreciation and noticing
This video prompts introspection into the appreciation of partners within relationships, highlighting the detrimental effects of abusive practices on closeness and mutual respect. Through the story of Johnny and Sarah, it underscores the importance of recognizing and expressing gratitude for the efforts made by one's partner, ultimately fostering deeper connection and understanding. The narrative encourages individuals to take time to acknowledge the positive attributes of their partners and express their appreciation regularly, offering a simple yet profound investment into relationship well-being.
A man speaks:
Let me ask you a hard question. When was the last time you let your partner know how much you appreciate them and what they bring to the relationship? Abusive practices rob the relationship of closeness. It creates a distance, fear, and resentments. It is easy to stop noticing the very things that the other person does that contribute to the wellbeing of the relationship. It becomes much easier to focus on what is not there.
Let me tell you a short story. Johnny worked as a builder. Things became tough, and he lost his job. You can imagine the tension and stress that this placed back onto the family. Things started to get tense at home and abusive practices started to emerge. Johnny became very critical of how Sarah was managing things at home. After acknowledging with Johnny the tough situation he was in, he was invited to think about the things that Sarah was doing to try and keep things together. He acknowledged she'd taken on some extra hours of work, and that she was pretty tired and stressed as a result. Johnny was asked to write a list of the things that he appreciated about Sarah. This is what he came up with.
I appreciate that you are really digging deep here to try and keep things together. I appreciate that this is having a big cost for you. I appreciate that you continue to be there for me knowing that I feel like I've let my family down. I appreciate your sense of humour. I appreciate you decided for me to be your partner. Johnny told us there were many other things to Sarah and when he told her... she had burst out into tears. She really got the fact that Johnny had noticed what she was going through. This brought them much closer together.
Your challenge is to grab a piece of paper, or you could use your phone. Write down 10 things you appreciate about your partner. Make sure to check in with yourself, and how you feel as you think about these things as you write them down. As we start to acknowledge the things we appreciate about other people, we might notice a smile on our face and hard feelings starting to slip away.
Your second challenge is to let them know what it is you appreciate about them. You can send them a text or find the time to sit down and tell them. The appreciation habit is about finding 5 minutes a day not necessarily in one bit, but to let the person know what you appreciate about them. This may be one of the best 35 minutes per week investment into your relationship you might ever make.