Journey
Taking Steps For Change
Want to know how to make some changes? Ka rawe/excellent! This page has some ideas to help you think about what's important to you and why you want to make changes. You can learn about when things start to go wrong, and what you can do when you notice this happening. There will be some things here that apply to you, and others that don't, so take what you need from this page.

Want to know how to make some changes? Ka rawe/excellent! This page has some ideas to help you think about what's important to you and why you want to make changes. You can learn about when things start to go wrong, and what you can do when you notice this happening. There will be some things here that apply to you, and others that don't, so take what you need from this page.
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A great first step for making change is thinking about what's important to you. Pick which values mean something to you and see what they could look like.
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Beliefs are fixed ideas about ourselves, other people, and the world we live in. These are usually formed in childhood and as we grow older can get stronger. They are things we hold to be absolutely true deep down, below our surface thoughts, and we believe them without question.
How do your beliefs influence your behaviour?
Situations don't control the way we think - we do. If you allow situations to control the way you think then this may lead to behaviours that aren't safe. Think about how your beliefs and attitudes affect how you react to situations. Next time you're in a situation which makes you feel angry or hurt, challenge yourself to take control of how you respond.
Here's an example of how different beliefs can impact the same situation:
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Here we look more at the things that could trigger or 'set off' a reaction, and the early warning signs people have that let them know they're about to react. People can better manage their reactions if they know what makes them tick and have some strategies in their toolkit/kete to help them.
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Early Warning Signs
Things we notice when something doesn't feel right or something is about to go wrong
Physical- Head gets hot
- Raised voice
- Heart races
- Breathing gets quicker
- Clenched fists
- Sweaty palms
- Feeling tense
- Brain fog
- Feel pumped, on edge
- Jumpy
- Narrowed eyes
Thoughts- Negative self-talk and thinking (stinking thinking)
- Unrealistic thinking
- Picture painting - visualising bad things that will happen
- "They needs to shut up"
- "If I don't sort this out (my kids/partner), people will think I'm weak"
- "They're gunna get it if.."
Behaviour- Not talking, being quiet
- Sulking, giving them the silent treatment
- Avoiding the situation, fleeing
- Sarcastic banter
- Mocking others, using put downs
- Demanding
- Blaming
- Finger pointing
- Standing up
- Slamming doors, cupboards
- Stomping
- Threatening
- Being defensive
- Minimising, gaslighting
- Nit picking/looking for a reason to lash out
- Objectifying
Emotions- Fear, anxiety
- Resentful
- Feel judged
- Shame
- Feeling not good enough
- Righteous anger, feeling punished
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These are some things you can do to help you notice your triggers/early warning signs and some tips on what to do when you notice them.
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Things that are automatic or habits to us (called neural pathways) look like super highways in our brains, whereas those things we need to practice are narrow dirt tracks. That means we need to keep going over the dirt tracks to make them into super highways. Once you've created a super highway, whether for something positive or negative, it's there as long as you keep using it. With practice we can create new pathways. Having the ability to create these new pathways depends on what part of your brain is active.
Understanding how our brains work can help us to be more aware of what we're thinking and doing, as well as practice new skills and habits when we're in the right mindset to learn them. When you know different you know how to do different, but you have to work at it.
Tools
These tools can help you put into practice what you've learnt on this page
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